“Into each life some rain must fall.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Everyone wants happiness, Nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow, without a little rain.” Unknown
It’s raining again. We’ve had a lot of rain this year…and more cloudy days than I remember since we moved here. And the forecast is for two more rainy days after today with cool temperatures! It makes me want to sing, “Rain, rain, go away, come again another day,” like I did when I was a child. I like a little rain. I even love a thunder and lightning storm while tucked in my bed with a book. But, too many cloudy days in a row, and I start to crave sunshine.
When we lived in Syracuse, which ranks right behind Seattle for least amount of sun 46% of days, to Seattle with 43%. I used to say, “We’re behind, but we try harder. Syracuse specializes in gray and cloudy…and we should get extra credit for all the snow.” Seattle only averages 5 inches of snow. Syracuse 123 inches, the snowiest major city in New York. Plus, we got precipitation (rain and snow combined) on 174 days…Seattle, a mere 149! ” I sneeze at their precipitation!
But despite my bravado, the unrelenting grey would weigh me down. I Neeeed sunlight! I HAVE to get outside…or I’m miserable, as I told you last week. So, though the rain and snow tried to keep me inside, a little light being better than none, I would force myself to walk, slogging through the snow even in below freezing weather.
Our last New York winter my dog and I walked at the Erie Canal when there was a – 40 degree windchill. Even the snowmobilers and cross country skiers had given up. That’s how much I need outside and light!
So moving to North Carolina, known for its blue skies, four seasons but mild winter, long spring and fall, and plenty of sunshine, was just what I needed. We do get an inch or two of snow sometimes and yes, we get rain here, but almost twice as much sunshine as Syracuse. I love it!
But I probably should tell you my husband does not enjoy this weather. In fact, he misses the snow, craves the rain. He rejoices in grey and cloudy. I tell him it’s in his Scotch English DNA. But in looking up the weather data for this post, (yep, research junkie still at work) I found out why we see weather differently. Current Results Science and Weather Data reports on a study of more than 800 people and how weather impacted their happiness, anxiety, and anger. They ended up discovering that there are four basic types of people:
Fair Weather Fan (Summer Lovers) 23% of population — Warm, sunny weather brings out the best in you. Clear skies put you in good spirits. You feel happier, less fearful and less angry on days with more sunshine and higher temperatures. While sun and temperature affect you most, you also respond to rain. Ongoing rainstorms will dampen your spirits a little.
Cool Cloudy Collected (Summer Haters) 19% of population — Cool, cloudy weather is when you thrive. Once it turns warm and sunny, you get grouchy; you become more unhappy, fearful and angry. It’s not just a dull day that has you feeling upbeat. Even a little rain gives your mood a boost. You and Fair Weather Fans are complete opposites.
Dry Day Delighted (Rain Haters) 10% of population — Rain really bothers you. Wet weather disturbs you far more than it influences other weather personality types. Drizzly days have you feeling unhappy, anxious and most of all, angry. Besides being dry, warmth and sun also cheer you up and put you at ease, as for a Fair Weather Fan. But unlike Fair Fans, the main good mood driver for you is lack of rain.
Unfazed Whatever (Unaffected) 48% of population — You generally don’t let the weather trouble you. Rain or shine, hot or cold – you calmly sail through it all, compared with everyone else. Still, you might feel a little more anxious than normal on the cooler, cloudier days.
You guessed it. I am pretty much a fair weather fan (though I don’t love hot) and Doug is absolutely a cool, cloudy collected person. Pretty much exact opposites, who would have figured that? Maybe what works is that we balance each other out and cheer the other up when our different favorite weather occurs.
So, how about you? Are you unfazed by weather…or does it impact your mood? Love clouds? Need sun? Hate the rain? Or can you tolerate a day or two of “bad weather” whatever that is for you, but then too many in a row will start to erode your outlook and well-being?
For me, I’ve decided it is time to rewrite the children’s song:
“Rain, rain, you can stay, water plants, create some grey. Then, it’s time to go away and let the sun come back to play!”
Henry David Thoreau wrote, “I cannot preserve my health and spirits unless I spend four hours a day at least—and it is commonly more than that—sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.”
I concur. Nature is vital to my mood and sense of well-being. When I was a child walking in the woods, I was convinced they were filled with magic. Pushing aside ferns at the edges of narrow winding paths with sunlight dappling the trees and my face, I escaped to a place of timelessness. The canopy of leaves far above kept the magic in and the secrets I shared with the trees safe.
As an adult, Harbor Beach in East Dennis was my haven. Barefoot walks on the wet sand, gentle waves washing over my feet, as the sun sank ever so slowly and silently, brought perspective. As the colors in the endless sky evolved from scarlet to pink, and darkened from lavender to amethyst, I found my petty problems became only a speck in the eternal and my spirit was filled with solace and peace.
And I am not alone! You know me, there is real science behind our need to be outside in nature. When I had a clinical practice, some of my clients wanted natural options to improve their mental health. Getting outside made a difference to many.
Nature can ease depression
Being outside may improve your outlook
Time spent outdoors can improve your focus
Best of all, nature can strengthen your immunity
So, feeling lethargic…or a bit down? Struggling with stress or anxiety? Need an energy boost or an attitude adjustment? It’s time to picnic in a park, take a trip to the shore or to the mountains, wander in the woods, or at least kick off those shoes and walk in your yard. Turns out we all need recess….and a bit of grass between our toes.
“In the Spring a livelier iris changes on the burnish’d dove; In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love” Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Even so, as I usually do when I start a post, I begin by doing research. I have to admit it, I’m an info and data junkie, any topic, any time! I am also a Master Gardener, and the iris lore I discovered began to seduce me. Another surprise, Irises not only are lovely and smell great, they come with an unexpected and fascinating history:
Honoring that, Purple irises were planted over the graves of women to summon the Goddess to guide the dead on their journey. Even today, many Greeks place Iris on the graves of women.
Carvings of iris are found on palace walls in Egypt where the flower stood as a symbol for power and majesty. The early Egyptians saw the leaves as symbolic of a their royal sceptre and an iris bloom was carved on the brow of the Sphinx.
One thing that has long fascinated me is the “language of flowers.” In earlier times, meanings were attached to gifts of herbs and flowers. Irises have had an association with faith, hope, wisdom and cherished friendship as well as intelligence, competence and independence. I don’t know if my mother knew these meanings (no internet back when she was planting them) but, wow, they fit who she was.
A last bit of Iris history comes from France.
Surprise! Iris are also the state flower of Tennessee, and the symbol of New Orleans (think French Connection!)
My mother was not a cookie baking, stay at home, mom. In my neighborhood, growing up in the fifties, everyone else had that kind of mom. A little part of me wished my mom was there when I got home from school…chocolate chip cookies with warm melty chocolate at the ready. But mostly, I was just proud of who she was.
I had a witty, bright, pull herself up by her bootstraps kind of mom, who succeeded through the dint of her strength of will. She had natural gifts of leadership combined with a kind of mothering nature that worked well with young men and helped her succeed in the very masculine world of Air Force Civil Service. She was the only woman in charge of her own branch at Griffiss Air Force Base, the only female employee who was not a secretary, but had one herself.
I have shared a number of her “wisdom sayings” in different blogs posts I have done over the years. She had a saying for every occasion.
Another of her sayings I used in the group came from Polish wisdom and was a fit for these women as well: “Beware,” my mom would say, of someone who “promises you earrings, but only pierces your ears.”
As my husband, who deeply loved her, says about Mom, she was a force to be reckoned with. She was a woman with Crypto clearance who had the launch codes that could have sent SAC bombers to start a nuclear World War III. She wasn’t a “full-bird” colonel, no one saluted her, but man, she could give an order no one could refuse, or walk into a room, and with just a look, quiet dozens of my rambunctious cousins.
“Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – make it. Life is love – Enjoy it!” Sai Baba
May Day – Time to Play, May is made to be merry…I was rolling these thoughts around my head and thinking about my blog this Sunday, May Day, as I got ready for church. I flipped on the radio as I put on my make-up and did my hair…and heard a Ted Talk on Play by Jane McGonigal. The topic crystalized my thinking and was so good I decided to share these excerpts from Jane’s talk:
“Now, why a game? I knew from researching the psychology of games for more than a decade that when we play a game — and this is in the scientific literature — we tackle tough challenges with more creativity, more determination, more optimism, and we’re more likely to reach out to others for help. I wanted to bring these gamer traits to my real-life challenge, so I created a role-playing recovery game called Jane the Concussion Slayer.”
Many of you have seen the new craze of adult coloring books, so did you know play isn’t just good for kids? No wonder they are flying off the shelf – Play is healthy for all of us. It really can heal us. (They are using video games with combat vets with traumatic brain injury and PTSD). It can also help us stay healthy and thereby live longer, as well as helping us enjoy the life we are living.
Why?
It improves brain function: Having senior moments? Play! Puzzles and games can improve memory, increase brain functioning, and improve problem solving skills.
It recreates a sense of youthfulness: George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow older; we age because we stop playing.” Play creates energy and increases a sense of vitality. It improves creativity. Play makes us laugh, and laughter really is the best medicine.
Then, my husband, Doug, came out to talk to me. We spoke of an older woman friend who is trying to re-enter life as a widow. She is finding that difficult. I thought of her while I dug out and moved a patch of summer bulbs. I had no choice. They were overgrown, crowding a lilac bush…in effect acting like weeds. As I worked, my two thoughts began to braid together.
That is true for all of life, for our friend just as it is for the Stargazer-Lillies I moved. When your old life is ripped away at the roots and change is forced upon you, or even if in other circumstances when you chose a change, new beginnings are hard on the tender shoots of our hearts. Yet, when hibernation is over, life must be nurtured to thrive. That can require new directions, or new places to set down roots, to begin afresh.
First thread: Some of my earliest memories are of my mother gardening. I was born in Ohio and we left when I was six, yet I remember her setting tulip bulbs, pruning a large grape arbor, tending lily of the valley, peony and hollyhocks, and cutting incredibly fragrant purple iris to “bring spring into our house.”
Another thread: Moving to Edenton was a huge change for us. We had lived in Syracuse for 28 years. New jobs, a new town, and a very different life awaited. We felt like we had when we first got married, when all our lives lay ahead of us, and anything could happen. One of my anythings was creating a real garden.
I put in a few irises people had given me. One of the joys of the South is how many people have gardens and share plants with each other. I was given white “Edenton iris” and lovely yellow ones, and some powder blue, but none of them carried much fragrance.
Finally, about this time last year, I found Pleasant Valley Iris Farm. Their on-line store showcased irises of every color imaginable, some re-blooming, and some labeled fragrant. I struggled to choose, but finally, I ordered several varieties to be delivered in fall, just in time to be planted.
Last week, the first of the stunning irises I ordered, these April Jewels, bloomed. They are peach; they are perfect; and they smell divine. Just like Mom’s.
“Real wisdom lies not in having all the answers, but in seeking to understand the questions.” Old Chinese proverb
“Mommy, why is the sky blue?”
Believe it or not even at a very tender age I wanted to be told about refraction, reflection, and the absorption of light. Unfortunately for my poor mom, once she realized this, she had a lot of explaining to do!
That need to probe, question, and find the answers, the real answers, has never left me. It occupied my childhood and teen years. I like to think it was motivated by a real desire to understand. (My husband would probably tell you that little has changed – the internet was made for me!)
So, while those coming for counseling (or social workers and interns for supervision), would start by asking, “What should I do?” My answer needed to be deeper 
But in most situations, for all of us, it is tempting to say,”You should just do this…” Many answers seem so obvious. The reality is those are often the surface answers, which can be ok if it is only a surface question. Yet, while there are lots of yeses and noes in life, so many things are maybes.
Sounds a little crazy though, doesn’t it, that the best answer to a question can be a question? Probably the biggest temptation for me to just come up with an answer is with my children and grandchildren. After all, I love them. I have learned a lot from life, and doing social work has exposed me to life problems well beyond one person’s typical experience. Also, in my work life, I was not only a therapist but a manager…as one president notoriously said, a decider. Many times quick analysis and a timely response is called for and appropriate.
Fortunately or unfortunately, spring poems still seem to be singing in my head. This one popped in with a dramatic weather change. The day before yesterday, it was balmy, 76 degrees, and sunny. When yesterday dawned, we had dropped 35 degrees overnight, and 25 mile an hour wind gusts had created a chill and freeze warning! Today, it is 31 degrees.
On the other hand, in Syracuse, where we used to live, there was a snowstorm, temperatures in the teens, and there’s more snow coming. Actually, this does remind me of spring before we came to Edenton: erratic, unexpected outbursts of winter rearing it hoary head repeatedly, like the monster you thought defeated at the end a horror movie…coming back for encore attacks.
Here, most years, spring and fall are typically more placid and temperate.
Did you know that April 1st used to be the start of the new year? I didn’t until I stumbled on this today. My husband says I never met an odd bit of data or history or folklore that I could resist…and he’s right…and I had to share it with you! So…….
I wait for it every year, watch it unfold day by day. It fills my heart with exquisite anticipation that somehow is even sweeter than the fulfillment that is promised. It always makes me wonder why spring is in such a hurry.
The twins are ten now so the Bunny has had to find more creative hiding places and like always they tell their mother, “This was the best Easter ever.” And it was. Yet, almost as fast as it began they leave, back to home, and work. and school. The lightning pace abates for me and we are back to ordinary time.
So much of life is ordinary time, immeasurable in its progression except in retrospect, days marching onward in routine sameness, one indistinguishable from the next with weekend punctuation.Why is time such a puzzle? The rare fast and furious eruptions islands in the petty pace of the everyday, markers of change.
So today, after the latest confirmation of time passing, I am blessed to splash among those memories. I see life unfold in the rolling of a baby girl who preferred that to crawling, in the steps of toddlers, the pumping of a grandson’s legs running in soccer or softball. I am caught up in recollections of swirling and twirling by a miniature ballerina and the spins and jumps of a figure skater.
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